Bryan Poyser (![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} poyboy) wrote,@ 2006-08-23 14:05:00 |
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Bummer
So, Best Birthday Ever did not make the list of projects given grants this year by the Texas Filmmakers Production Fund. Boo hoo. I've gotten used to dealing with my work being rejected over the last few years, but it still stings. You can't help but extrapolate a single event like this out to mean all kinds of horrible things, like that you suck, your work is terrible, no one likes you, you're never going to be successful, etc. It's dramatic, silly & self-pitying, I know, but these feelings only last briefly and I've discovered it's better to just let them wash over you for however long they have to. Rationality does return and getting drunk with the international crew of I'll Come Running last night at The Ginger Man certainly did a lot to bring it back.
I kind of got in hot water by discussing setbacks like this with TCK, and I do feel kind of sheepish having to admit that this is the first time I've applied to TFPF and haven't gotten a grant (I got one with the project that became Pleasureland in '97, then grants came in for DP in '02 and '03), but I feel like it's important to include the failures in this ongoing narrative of my filmmaking life. It's fucking exhausting to be so optimistic and positive and self-promoting, which is how I usually am on this dumb thing. Even when I get success, I can usually figure out a way to interpret it as failure. So really, failure is the inevitable constant. Success is the aberration.
The underlying truth about all this, though, is that the hard part is done. The movie is shot. It's funny. It did what it was supposed to - it invigorated me. I loved making it and I'm loving the editing and I'm in love with the idea of expanding the story into a feature. I will figure out a way to finish it in time for Sundance & Slamdance and if neither of those work out, it will find its place in the world. I can go ahead and be unhappy with its place in world but that doesn't do anything except make me unhappy.
So, instead, I'm just gonna be very happy for these friends who did get grants:
Rusty & crew for getting another grant for their feature Shores of Another Sea
Jenn Garrison
David Hartstein
PJ Raval & Jay Hodges
Naiti Gamez, our kick-assistant editor on TCK
Sandra Guardado
Tiger Darrow for the short film Anatomy of a Frog, which she was in
Scott Harris
Laura Harrison (Jake & I first met her when we used her Avid to edit Pleasureland back in '00. I'm very happy that her doc is the first one to get the top grant of $15k.)
So, Best Birthday Ever did not make the list of projects given grants this year by the Texas Filmmakers Production Fund. Boo hoo. I've gotten used to dealing with my work being rejected over the last few years, but it still stings. You can't help but extrapolate a single event like this out to mean all kinds of horrible things, like that you suck, your work is terrible, no one likes you, you're never going to be successful, etc. It's dramatic, silly & self-pitying, I know, but these feelings only last briefly and I've discovered it's better to just let them wash over you for however long they have to. Rationality does return and getting drunk with the international crew of I'll Come Running last night at The Ginger Man certainly did a lot to bring it back.
I kind of got in hot water by discussing setbacks like this with TCK, and I do feel kind of sheepish having to admit that this is the first time I've applied to TFPF and haven't gotten a grant (I got one with the project that became Pleasureland in '97, then grants came in for DP in '02 and '03), but I feel like it's important to include the failures in this ongoing narrative of my filmmaking life. It's fucking exhausting to be so optimistic and positive and self-promoting, which is how I usually am on this dumb thing. Even when I get success, I can usually figure out a way to interpret it as failure. So really, failure is the inevitable constant. Success is the aberration.
The underlying truth about all this, though, is that the hard part is done. The movie is shot. It's funny. It did what it was supposed to - it invigorated me. I loved making it and I'm loving the editing and I'm in love with the idea of expanding the story into a feature. I will figure out a way to finish it in time for Sundance & Slamdance and if neither of those work out, it will find its place in the world. I can go ahead and be unhappy with its place in world but that doesn't do anything except make me unhappy.
So, instead, I'm just gonna be very happy for these friends who did get grants:
Rusty & crew for getting another grant for their feature Shores of Another Sea
Jenn Garrison
David Hartstein
PJ Raval & Jay Hodges
Naiti Gamez, our kick-assistant editor on TCK
Sandra Guardado
Tiger Darrow for the short film Anatomy of a Frog, which she was in
Scott Harris
Laura Harrison (Jake & I first met her when we used her Avid to edit Pleasureland back in '00. I'm very happy that her doc is the first one to get the top grant of $15k.)
